Word Fruit

Feeling a little nostalgic this morning pulling together birthday plans for my boys: getting together pictures, considering whether to party big or not to party big, who will come, where it will be, gifts they'd like, even the words to write in their cards.

I have to tell you, the past almost 19 and 11 years have gone by waaay too fast. Taylor is practically grown, so unbelievably mature and wise and exactly the same can be said of Greyson. Kevin and I are constantly learning from our boys. Faith is a whole other thing for them than it was for us growing up. They are much more steadfast. And we are also finding that as they age, there is very little, if any "gray" area for either of them. They KNOW what they believe. I'm thankful to be able to say, that from what we can see, their hearts, minds and spirits line up almost exactly with the Word of God, even when they don't particularly want it to. :) God is in them. And it's good.

Kevin and I are pretty careful about the things we speak over them daily. We know how powerful our words are and what a difference the life you speak over your child can make. We pray that edifying words will be received by their hearts and words of cursing will be cast down immediately. We call them "healed" when they're not feeling well, "wise" in spite of silly choices and "favored, loved and planned for" when they feel it the least. We speak healing over our home pretty consistently and pray/claim Psalm 91 frequently. Really, protection and provision in their lives are just prayed for and expected. We speak favor over them where their school, teachers, coaches, hockey and friendships are concerned.  Daily, we call good friends into their lives and the removal of any that would cause harm. We speak good, wise choices into them and over them and the death of any desire that could lead them down a wrong path. Our heart's desire is that they follow hard after God everyday. And everyday, that their desire for Him increases a little, ok, a lot, more. :) We work to impart those desires through our words and into their lives. We know their lives will be more peaceful, more powerful, more blessed, if they do and what parent wouldn't want that for their child?

We've seen so much amazing fruit from speaking goodness and grace over them, even in times of discipline. God has been and is faithful. Always.

Lately, God has laid it on my heart to really speak a blessing over them. You know, like Jacob spoke over his grandsons. Something they'll look back on and remember forever. A prophecy from God and their parents that they can claim and hold onto always...

... and maybe something they'll do for their children someday.

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Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].
Proverbs 18:21

Call those things which do not exist as though they do.
Romans 4:17

So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God.  For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.  Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.
Mark 11:22-24

Then God said ...  then God said ...then God said.  Gen 1

I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live;  that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days; and that you may dwell in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.
Deut. 30:19-20

 

The message is very close at hand;  it is on your lips and in your heart. And that message is the very message about faith that we preach: If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.”
Romans 10:8-11

If you want kids that are just absolutely extraordinary, you are going to have to raise them differently than other kids are being raised. ~ Andy Andrews


  

To Live or Not To Live ... Radically

WHAT IF ... we really trusted in His amazing love for us?
WHAT IF ... we truly never feared being let down by Him?
WHAT IF ... we believed without abandon?
WHAT IF ... we gave without thinking of lack?
WHAT IF ... we finally forgave without judgment or fear of being hurt again?
WHAT IF ... honoring Him was foremost on our minds?
WHAT IF ... we surrendered to Him everything, once and for all?
WHAT IF ... we stopped looking to the world and finally looked to Him Alone?
WHAT IF ... we expected His best instead of accepting what the world considers "the best"?

Truly, finally and really ... for ourselves, our spouses, our children, family, friends and strangers?

What would be possible? How different would our lives and the lives of those around us be? Are we ever really going to "just believe" Him? (Mark 5:36)

You may read these questions and think to yourself, "I'm ok there."or "I'm pretty good at that one." and you may be, I'm speaking as much for myself as I am anyone else. You could also be thinking, "This is silly - that's not what God expects from us." Again, maybe you're right. But I would like to suggest something here, I believe these are things God hopes from us. After all, He died to show us His love, to give us His perfect salvation including, His peace, His joy, His provision for all things. ALL He asks is that we "believe" Him. That we "choose" Him over all else.

"Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God." Romans 10:17, this we know, so we read our Bibles. But we're still missing it, and by "we", I also mean me. :) He has to become part of us so much that nothing causes us to waver. Believing in Him comes from our hearts, from our faith in His love for us and then our trust in His word. When we doubt His love, we also doubt His word and it's truth, so we negate His power, His salvation, in our lives.

No matter which way you slice it, it always goes back to, "Just believe." Our hearts and minds have to be so saturated with Him that we think of Him first in every situation, that we believe Him first. Sounds easy. But I'd venture to say, very few of us are there. I'm one of them.

In my heart and more importantly in my spirit, I KNOW there's a place, a life, where lack does not exist in any form; be it health, peace, strength, joy -- I Know His provision is perfect. I can see a life where my family and friends are all heaven bound and we are walking in His glory every day, fulfilling His beautiful plan for our lives.

Some may call this "immature", or "wishful thinking", or "impossible". We are all so busy being responsible grown ups, so busy thinking rationally that we forget and even dismiss people who really think like God thinks, but I'll tell you this, this kind of thinking can not come a carnal mind, from a mind of flesh; it can not come from this world. His realm is different from our earthly realm. His reality is MUCH different from ours. (Praise God!) And it's by this "immature" child - like faith that we will enter it. (Matthew 18:3)

God can do anything, you know? (Eph. 3:20)

Sometimes while studying and praying with Him, I'm hit right-between-the-eyes with these kinds of questions and I'm reminded of all He came to give and of His heart's desire for us to choose Him, just so that He can give us the Kingdom (Luke 12:32). And I want it, don't you? I want to live as "more than a conqueror." I know that in this world we have struggles, but I want to go into every battle Knowing I have already won. I want to see Him "move mountains". It is my heart's cry to exalt Him in all I do, say and think, to draw people to Him, to be a display of more of Him and less of me. I so hope to be a walking example of His unfailing love, to be a blessing everywhere I go and to everyone I meet. I want to believe Him with all my heart and with NO reservation what-so-ever, with no thoughts of embarrassment for myself or thoughts of acceptance from others. I want that - Everything He is and has and all He desires for me. I want it for myself, for my husband, my boys, my family and all the people around me. And I know you do, too.

It's ours. It's already here for us. But the "IF" lies with us. Will we take it? Will we believe? Will we receive Him and all His hope for us?

Pressing in again. Radically. :)

I’m sure now I’ll see God’s goodness in the exuberant earth. Stay with God! Take heart. Don’t quit. I’ll say it again: Stay with God. Ps. 27:13

Believe. Trust. Rest.

"Rest."

Deep sigh… didn’t your soul just relax a little?  God is so good, isn’t He?

Hear Him again, “Rest, My child.”

I realized today that it’s been over a year since I blogged. Pitiful, I know. I have studied, worshipped, confessed, proclaimed, fasted, anointed, taken Communion and prayed, but my journaling has taken a hit. Not sure why. Guess I just haven’t taken the time. Suffice it to say, this past year, life sort of, got in the way.

We have had tremendous highs this year. We celebrated 20 years of marriage, graduated high school and celebrated 18 years with our oldest son and 10 years with our little one. We welcomed a new grand-nephew, had wonderful vacations with family, started new jobs, new schools, moved into a new home with sweet new neighbors (who can cook! J), started new hockey seasons, made new friends … we have experienced new and abundant life on so many levels.

But like all mountainous areas there have been some valleys this year, as well. Some lower and deeper than others. Our hearts have been broken, our faith tested and our beliefs pushed to, what we felt were, the limits.

Thank God for His enduring promises.

No surprise that He was present and faithful through it all. Completely real, immovable and loving in ways I can't express, He has been diligent in every season, on every mountain top and through every valley to remind us to “rest”.

 

"Dear one, rest."

 

We hear it while we sleep and as soon as our eyes open. We hear it at work, driving down the street and standing in line at the grocery. We hear it dropping our boys at school and walking into the hockey rink. We hear it when negative words are spoken over us, when unfair things are done or happen to us and every other time the enemy rears his ugly head. At night, while we pray and before our eyes close, we hear it again and again. “Just rest.” God is faithful. He Is…

“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He makes me rest…” Psalm 23

Believe. Trust. Rest .  We believe Him, trust in Him and He makes us…. Rest.

We’ve leaned on Him this year like never before. And He was always there. Never faltered, never even looked away from us for a second. He promised He would never leave us, that He would uphold us, lift us, provide, protect and honor us. And He did. - And He does.

Through everything, every day our marriage and family grows stronger. (We’ll be celebrating 21 years in a few days!) Our boys, Kevin and I are more firm in our faith and growing even more powerfully so every day. We are “working to rest” (as Joseph Prince says) daily. OK, yeah, sometimes, minute-ly, but we’re making progress. J

Our God is evident everywhere we look. He is here.

What a relief it is to know all the real work has been done. Jesus paved the way … “It Is Finished.” (John 19:30) … it’s time for us to honor Him by walking in it.... or strolling down it.

 

 Just relax and confidently rest in it….IN Him.

 He’s got us. He promises. 

For we who have believed do enter that rest.
Hebrews 4:3 NKJV

Relentless

“The world is so strong here.”

I think I’ve said that a thousand times since we moved. And it’s true. We’re seeing it everywhere...in our boy’s schools, in their sports, their classmates, their teachers, in our work place, even in the church. There is a resistance to God and His spirit here like nothing I’ve ever imagined. Not only do so many here not know Him, but they seem to have no need to know Him and no desire to try.

We’ve been fighting it since we moved. This spirit is almost overwhelming at times. Generally, I’m a great “fighter”. I try hard to stand for what’s right. I work to stand for what’s best for our family, our lives and what lines up with God’s word and I’m, kind of, immovable (which may or may not always be a good thing J). I’ve "fought" against parents, teachers, schools, bullies, coaches, unfair laws, the state of Texas…I’m really not afraid of much. Generally. The past few days, weeks and months our family has battled like never before. I have prayed, fasted, anointed, confessed, and even posted scripture all over our home just to keep His spirit ever visible and present. I have pressed in.

This has been another tough week. I had to confront another issue at Taylor’s school regarding one of his teachers and Another very inappropriate movie that was shown and suffice it to say, the semester is over tomorrow and I’m thankful. So today, I’m tired. But I’m also, home alone all day for the first time in a very long time. It’s snowing, finally, and the roads are awful, so I’m “working” from here. I’ve been determined today to be refreshed. Thought I’d take this time to renew my spirit and find God again. I need to see His glory.

I Need To See His Face.

In going thru my favorite scriptures this morning, this is what I came upon:

"What separates those who are defeated by life from those who rule in life is the knowledge that battles and conflicts are inevitable, and that--unlike the natural person--we have power over whatever may come against us. So we can, and must, fight relentlessly until the battle is won.”

Relentless, John Bevere

It is certain that death ruled because of one man’s (Adam) failure. It’s even more certain that those who receive God’s overflowing kindness and the gift of His righteousness will rule in life because of one man - Jesus Christ.
(Romans 5:17)

Then it hit me:

I can only be “more than a conqueror” when I'm in a battle.  I HAVE to fight. I am called to fight back.

The world will come against us and Yes, the world is strong, but IN HIM, we are stronger. And as if that wasn't encouraging enough, there's more: the battle has already been fought, the outcome has already been determined. It's already done and the Promise is OURS!!!  

WE! WIN! 

God brought us here for a reason. Of that, I’m absolutely sure. Not sure What the reason is, mind you…I’m just sure there is one. Maybe we’re here so the boys can play hockey more, maybe Their futures are here. Maybe there are things we need to learn from Him and we can only learn them here. Maybe He is drawing us closer to Him by taking us away from all the “comforts” of our life (and faith) in Texas. Maybe we’re here to win hearts to Him. Maybe we’re here to win just One heart to Him…maybe, maybe, maybe…and maybe, all of the above or none of the above. :) I don’t know. I just know that Whatever it is, it is GOOD. So, I will walk it out. I will complete His mission. I will hold onto Him for dear life and He and I, together, WILL WIN.

When the world seems overwhelming, the road ahead looks rough and ALL I want to do is hide or cry:

This is my resolve:

I will stand firm and with His Word as my sword, I will fight. I will anoint, fast, confess, proclaim and I will, Always, praise.  I WILL fight.

He is worth fighting for. My family, our faith, our lives and the lives of others are Worth fighting for. So…like Jacob, I will be relentless! I won’t give up until I receive everything He’s promised!

We WIN! (See His face?!)

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Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Romans 8:28 MSG

I will fight the good fight, I will finish the race, I will keep the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7 NKJV (paraphrased)

LET Him...

So…after days/weeks of feeling less than in touch with God, on the verge of tears, lacking the ability to be thankful, even though I knew I had so much, struggling to pray and praise and not really knowing why, I am much better. An unexpected visit with a friend yesterday yielded some new feelings in me, a release, of sorts, and an awakening I don’t think I’ve ever quite experienced in my life. God IS with me and He IS faithful. I know…I’m stating the obvious here and you already know that. However, I think over the past weeks, even though I’ve KNOWN it, I’ve somehow forgotten.

I have felt so out of place here, pretty much since we moved.  My family and I have nothing, really, in common with anyone here on many levels, but mostly on a spiritual one; we are considered by most as radical Christians, and that is something most have a hard time thinking of as a good thing. (And I remember vividly a time when I was there, too, so I am not judging.) I lamented to my friend yesterday about how the treatment of the people here…toward my children, my husband, myself, has been very harsh at times. That being said, we are proud of who we are and thankful to be Whose we are. We know He directs our lives, and it's just that simple. We trust Him. We know we are here for a purpose, but still, we have had a really tough time adjusting. Some days, it’s hard to find God in the midst of it. And yet, He IS here. This realization hit my spirit like a bolt of lightening yesterday. He finally really got thru to me. And prayerfully, it's a realization I will now have, unquestionably and in my spirit, forever!

Our life here is good, just very different from what we're used to. I've been struggling with it for a while, but, I am a very private person so, I don't open up easily...ever. I've really talked to no one about it. To others, I'm seemingly strong, peaceful, cheerful and full of faith  - and I am those things...just not all the time.  Finally yesterday, I let go of the “people pleaser” in me and visited from the heart…something (it was Him…I’m sure of it!) came over me, and I finally let down my guard and was honest. I was more real than I have ever been. My friend was precious; going thru much the same as I am; she was understanding and sweet, loving and so generously kind. Obviously, it was an appointed meeting for both of us. However, when the conversation was over and while I was visiting with God about it, I was overwhelmed with guilt and sorrow… I had spoken with someone about this most personal experience. What was I thinking? This foreboding spirit overcame me for a few minutes as it tried to make me feel unloved, like my friend’s opinion of me would be changed forever, like I’m not allowed to have bad days, let alone weeks … and if I did, it should be between me and God and NO ONE else. And then I remembered (or more likely, was reminded!), we are Created to Need each other. He made us to need fellowship of brothers and sisters in Him; we are meant to pray for, to encourage and to edify EACH OTHER! How can we do that if we seclude ourselves from everyone? How can we ever expect to receive help if we don’t ask and Then, if we don’t let the help help us? Make sense? I know…maybe I’m rambling, but I feel like I’m on to something here.  Reminds me of a story my Dad told me…I’m sure you’ve heard it:

A good Christian man up on his roof was watching the storm waters rise over the streets around him. He knew where his help came from, so he began to pray desperately for the Lord’s help. A large vehicle came to take him out of the way of danger to which he replied, “No, thank you, my God will save me.” The water ever deepening, a boat floats by, again asking to take him to safety.  And again, he replies, “No thank you, my God will save me.” As the waters continue to rise until no doors or windows can be seen, a helicopter lowers from the sky in a most dramatic final attempt to save the man. And once again, he replies, “No, thank you, my God will save me.” The floodwaters overtake the man’s home, along with the man and he goes to meet his Father. Upon reaching Heaven, he asks God, “Where were You? Why didn’t You come for me, as I had faith You would?” God replied, “My child, I DID come for you. I sent a truck, a boat And a helicopter."

My goodness ... a man looking/praying for help, turned God away. Can you imagine???... Yeah, me, too.

How saddening that God can be so faithful to us, His help can be staring us in the face and we miss it, all because we are “waiting” on Him. We think we have to be so strong and courageous all the time....such a lie of the enemy. He would love nothing more than to separate us from other believers. And although I have neither the intention, nor the desire to become one who shares every single disheartening thought that crosses my mind (that is not His will either…take those thought’s captive!), I pray with all my heart that I will let God help me, I will let the wise words of a friend comfort my soul and that I will forever be unafraid to let people see my heart. What a healing! Praise God!

Faithful as always, My God had this posted on my FB wall this morning, via Chris Valotton ministries:

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who couldn't hear the music.
~ Angela Mont

From my heart to yours:

May you always be assured and comforted to know that you are exactly who He created you to be. When the world reminds you of duty and deadlines, illness and pain, stress and anxiety, or tells you you are just “too much” or “not enough”, the voice of the Lover of your heart and Creator of your soul is always there, too…listen to Him. Let Him remind you that you are precious and honored, His masterpiece, highly favored and created purposely, in this time for this time and you can rest in Him.  His angels have charge over you and yours, He is making your crooked places straight and the plan ahead all good; full of joy, peace and life to the full till it overflows! … And when you can’t remember, ask someone…if you let them, they will remind you! Love to you, All!

 (1 Peter 5:8, Isaiah 43:4, Ephesians 2:10, Deuteronomy 28:1-14, Matthew 11:29, Esther 4: 14, Psalm 91:11, Isaiah 42:16, Jeremiah 29:11, John 10:10)

And thank you, Mom, Dad and Erin, we know you’ve been standing with us and praying for us. We can feel it! We love you!

Believe in Goodness?

Kevin, the boys and I went to dinner over the weekend with a perfectly precious hockey family that we have all come to love. While we were sitting at the table, munching away on our cheese balls (up here they’re balls, not sticks, made with cheddar and completely delicious!), the topic of conversation turned to a set of events that happened several weeks ago at the hockey rink. 

After a somewhat heated discussion with another parent about the extremely competitive game and penalties that had been rendered, I was brought before the board in violation of the “Zero Tolerance Policy”.  After sheer panic struck my soul at the thought of being suspended from the rink, having to give my “testimony”, and crying and praying profusely, it was found that I did not violate the policy and was removed from the list of offenders, being told “Sorry for the mix up.” I later found out that the parent with whom I had the discussion was on the board and it was her child’s actions I had questioned. So... I was kind of drawn into the whole issue “mistakenly”.  

At the conclusion of the discussion, my friend said something that bothered me somewhat, but I quickly dismissed it. He said,”Chantelle, you really have to try to see the goodness in people.” “Oh my gosh!”, I thought, “I DO! I am, generally, very reasonable, loving and forgiving!” Blah, blah, blah.

The whole episode, minus the statement from my friend, has really bothered me over the last few weeks and in spite of prayer, I have been unable to let it go.  I have felt “black-balled” at the rink for myself and the boys … we have all been very uncomfortable. It’s been as if word got out and opinions of us have changed. The past few days have been especially hard and until this morning, I didn’t understand why.

Looking back, there have been days and days of God trying to “remove the scales” from my eyes, but constantly-seeking, open-to-the-Spirit thinking, (completely stubborn) me, has missed Him. (I know, imagine that.) As always, He had a plan and the messages intensified a couple days ago.

First, my Spirit of Prophecy mentioned that my spirit had become “defiled”, that I had allowed something not of God to get in, to which I wondered what it could be and prayed for Him to reveal it. And when a friend posted on FB that we should always "believe in the goodness of humanity", I clicked that I liked it, but inside myself, while wishing it were true, had a bit of a doubting spirit. But to top it all off, last night, Greyson came home with an issue at school … immediately, I took his side, became his defender and left a short, to the point message for his music teacher who had questioned why he hadn’t turned in money for his recorder yet, after he’s been sick with the flu and not at school for 2 weeks. I thought the worst of her…did not give her the benefit of the doubt she deserved and when she called to explain (the truth was Nothing like I had imagined), my heart felt sick and I had to apologize this morning. I hate that.

"The pain of obedience is far worse than the pain of regret"...posted by a friend, ALSO yesterday.

My friend’s words at dinner over the weekend rang in my ears after speaking with Grey's teacher. My goodness, have I learned nothing after all these years of studying His word? “Self control”, “fruit of the spirit”, “walk in love”, “love covers all”, “take thoughts captive”, “trust God’s word, not your emotions” and although it’s, technically, not in the Bible, “do unto others” … any of this ringing a bell, Chantelle?

Suffice it to say, I am humbled, convicted and reminded once again how incredibly sneaky the enemy is. I allowed this situation to get out of control and become like a god to me. Ever faithful, my God has revealed to me through it that I Have come to be suspicious of people and to Not expect goodness in them. Oddly, but especially, since we moved here, I am even surprised when people are kind and generous in spirit.

But, how did this happen? I am in His word continuously, I pray, I confess… but it did, never the less and although, I am not completely sure…as my Mom would say, "I think I have an inkling."

What I feel in my spirit is that my boys have taken precedence in my life…take into account that Taylor is seeking a hockey scholarship, Needs the use of the rink and the friendships there-in and that Kev and I are trying to open every possible door for him, and it isn't too tough to imagine that I was working to control too much. Add to that, that I am always protective, first, when it comes to my children and you have a recipe for a real mess. But that I allowed any of that to Control my attitude, perspective or thinking … God help me.

So, for me, it’s time for some spiritual house cleaning. Back to basics…actively believing God above all else and forcing myself to expect love, favor, joy, blessing and GOODNESS in and from others. I am profusely sorry for not loving and, even, judging for Any reason, but Especially, for having NO reason. I am still learning and so very thankful for His patience, revelation and endless mercy! Praise Him!

"If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end." 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 (The Message)

Lord God, please forgive me for putting anything ahead of You in my life. Forgive me for my judgments of others and for my lack of love, faith and trust in You. Thank You for showing me where I need more of You. I know that those who seek You, find You, so I will stay close all my days. I love You and praise You above all else. In Jesus Mighty Name,  Amen.

Teachable...

What does it mean to have a “teachable spirit”? (Matthew 13) Do you think you have one? Are you eager to hear what others have to say? Are you open and hungry for others ideas and points of view? Maybe you sensor or prejudge others (for countless reasons), deciding they could never offer you any good information; even those who may have gone before you, made mistakes, learned from them and now, are trying to save you the same trouble? Perhaps you've decided what you think is truth and stick to that regardless of what anyone says? Maybe you've even decided what God is capable of, how much He loves you, how He can show you that love and what He wants for your life? All of us have at some time or another. How have you limited our limitless God?

I’ve been pondering and praying about this for some time now and I can say, without reservation, that more than anything else in this life, I want to learn as much as I possibly can when it comes to Christ. WHATEVER that information may be and WHOM EVER it may come from….if it leads to more of Him, I’m there. Above all else, just give me Christ!

Growing up, the Word was changed and stretched, verses were picked over and chosen for me. Sometimes, select scripture would be left out all together. I grew up in a “fear of the Lord is healthy” kind of church. I never heard about His love for me, I only heard about what would happen to me IF I didn’t choose Him. I was never told about the “gifts of the spirit” and when I did hear of them, it was told to make us fearful of those gifts, or told to help us see how “radical” some had become in relation to His teachings. (There are “rules” that go along with the gifts of the spirit, but sadly, those sometimes, also, get sidelined. 1 Corinthians 14) The thought of a God that passionately loved me, chased after me, wanted more than anything else to bless me, would give His life for me and then would give me His own spirit and power to live in me and lead me through difficulties never, ever crossed my mind. Good Christian people; well meaning, Christian people, have always had a knack for avoiding the things: verses, people, churches, etc. that make them uncomfortable. I’m sure we’ve all had experience with this in some form or another. We stick to what’s safe. We stick to what’s comfortable. Stretching, pruning, growing, learning…is all extremely UNcomfortable sometimes.  But in order to live the life He's planned and hopes for us, it is also extremely necessary. 

Can you imagine living during Jesus’ lifetime? Can you imagine hearing Him speak to demons, watching Him cast out illnesses, raise people from the dead and Save everyone? How uncomfortable must that have been for some? Imagine the Pharisees, who thought they knew "all things God", seeing this carpenter perform unimaginable miracles right before their eyes, speaking with such love and compassion that multitudes of people followed him everywhere he went (Matthew 4, 5, 8, 9). My heart is overwhelmed. Imagine now, had those people turned their back to Him (as some did) and never received their healing, their deliverance, their salvation…His incomprehensible love. I cannot imagine a greater tragedy. Please God, never let that be me.

God has been so precious in my journey. He has led me to churches I swore I’d never attend because things happened there that might be uncomfortable and to pastors, leaders and fellow Christians, who knew so much more than I did, that I was overwhelmed by the Spirit of God in them. He LED me. I followed, sometimes afraid, but more than the feeling of fear, I wanted more of Him and  anything that would draw me closer. I followed… and I am thankful. ALL the places and leaders were instrumental in my growth. I would not be who I am today, were it not for those “unwanted” and “uncomfortable” places.

Today I chase after those churches and leaders.  I can’t get enough teachings that challenge me to grow and think differently. I sincerely hunger for more of Christ. Some days, I ache for His presence. I need Him. I need Him however I can get Him and I am, honestly, completely unashamed of how much I need Him. This has not always been the case. In the past, I have been a very independently minded person, very strong willed and unashamed of my opinions, however harmful they may be. I wanted what I wanted, thought what I thought and anyone who didn’t agree could just move out of the way. By the grace of God, and this burning hunger for more of Him, He has shown me, through love, the ONLY thing I really need is Him and with that has come sooo much more than I could ever ask or think.

Now, as an active follower of Christ, I am resolved to never “box” Him in. Never let it be said of me, that I limited Him in any way or that I decided what He’s capable of, how much He can love me or how much He can bless me.  The whole idea is preposterous. How completely foolish!  Why would anyone do that? And yet, we do it…everyday…limit, our awesome, all powerful, completely loving and absolutely faithful Father. The choice, as always, is ours.

As for me…above ALL else…just give me Jesus!

Heavenly Father, thank You for revealing Yourself to me more and more.  Thank You for taking me places and putting me in the presence of people who, although they might make me uncomfortable, they teach me something invaluable about You. Continue to grow me…I welcome it. Open my eyes to Your glory in whatever form it comes. In Jesus' Holy and Mighty name, Amen.

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A few of my favorites include:

Leadership
Jimmy Evans - Trinity Fellowship Church, Amarillo, Texas
Robert Morris - Gateway Church, Southlake, Texas
Brady Boyd - New Life Church, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Bill Johnson - Bethel Church, Redding, California
Kenneth Hagin - Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
Kenneth Copeland - Ft. Worth, Texas
Creflo Dollar - Atlanta, Georgia

Books
Captivating - Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul - John and Stasi Eldredge
The Shack - William P. Young
When Heaven Invades Earth - Bill Johnson
Heavy Rain - Kris Valloton
Jesus Culture - Banning Liebscher

Worship
LivWorship
New Life Worship
Jesus Culture
Gateway Worship
Lakewood Worship
Kari Jobe
Kim Walker